is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
