Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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