I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
