I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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