i already hear my dad disowning me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
