Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
