Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
