College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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