I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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