I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
