So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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