we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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