I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
