Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize