Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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