You're completely useless in the revolution.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
