I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
