two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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