if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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