I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
