Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
