Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
