She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
