Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Welp...herpes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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