yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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