Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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