my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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