guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
