I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize