I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
