He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
