do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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