So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
