you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
