He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
