even my farts smell like vagina
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
