I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
