First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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