And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
