Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
