I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
