I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
