just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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