Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
