so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
