just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
