He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
