dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
