Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
