im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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