She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
