I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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