well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
