I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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