You really coming over, don't trick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
