my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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