that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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