The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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