she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
