I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
