Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
