So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
