i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
