I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
