Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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