You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
