Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
