four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
